CHRISTMAS 2025--

This Year's Big Holiday Scam

It seems like there's one every year-- ads for a shiny new object, something either fraudulent or useless, suddenly bombard our in-box and social media. This year's version? 

TITANIUM CUTTING BOARDS!

As a knowledgeable Cold War history buff, your Grumpy Old Mansplainer is aware that the greatest, fastest, highest-flying spy plane EVER-- the USAF's Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird-- needed to be fashioned from titanium in order to be not only lightweight but also able to withstand the 1000ºF temperatures generated at Mach III*... and that titanium was so scarce not that long ago that they had to have undercover spies buy it on the black market in the Soviet Freaking Union, where the firing squad was actually considered lenient punishment for military espionage. And now they're selling slabs of it to American home cooks for 70% off while supplies last? Off went my BS detector... and also my "Made on China" detector when my emails to several companies inquiring about the country of manufacture went unanswered. And finally, I also noticed that none of my favorite purveyors of high-quality cookware-- including MADE IN and HERITAGE STEEL-- offer any such item among their titanium products.

*The actual top speed of the SR-71 remains classified. Suffice to say that during its

three decades of service it never encountered a surface-to-air missile it couldn't outrun.

The Titanium Cutting Board Scam appeals to a pair of dubious health-related concerns-- that your wooden cutting board supports colonies of deadly microbes, and/or that your plastic cutting board is steadily poisoning you and your dinner guests with microplastics. The actual truth is that hardwoods like maple, cherry, and walnut are naturally anti-microbial... just keep them well-oiled and clean. (We use bamboo boards at home.) As for plastic, it is always worth avoiding, but its use in food preparation is not yet considered an official cause of death. Meanwhile, what one probably gets when ordering a "titanium cutting board" is most likely A.) some stainless steel alloy with barely a trace of actual titanium; or B.) a total fraud made of God-knows-what. UPDATE: While I was writing this I received this return email from one of the companies after my inquiry:

Hi Danny,

Thank you for reaching out!

The initial designs and units were designed in Japan. However, due to increased demand, we moved production to China. This allows us to access a larger supply of high-quality titanium and leverage advanced manufacturing capabilities, ensuring the best quality for our products. Our mission of delivering top-quality titanium products hasn't changed! Hope this clears out the confusion! If you have any further questions, feel free to reach out. 

All the best,

Elizabeth | Customer Support

Sometimes I hate being right so often. For more info about online scams in general, please check out HOW TO SPOT AN ONLINE SCAM.